What is death other than an escape from all the pain? I am beginning to understand why some people would prefer death to continuing to live in constant pain. It gets harder as each day goes by. To know that every movement you make will send bolts of pain shooting through your body.

On the good days you say to yourself that the pain is your friend because it is not so bad as to make your body lock up from it, and you are able to hide it from those around you. You also say to yourself that because of the pain you know you are alive, and without it what would you have to prove you are. These things and others we say to ourselves so than we may deal with it and keep going. After awhile you can get used to greater levels of pain, and what once would cause you to cry out has only become distraction.

Then there are the not so good days. These are when you find it hard to hide the pain all the time from those around you, but are able to past it off as just a twinge or spasm that make you react the way you did. You learn to move differently from the way you would normally move so that the shots of pain do not hit you as hard as they would if you tried to move normally.

Then come the just plain bad days. These are the ones where you find it next to impossible to move at all. For even the smallest movement is like someone hitting your body with a baseball bat or stabbing you with a knife while they twist it inside of you. All the while even if you do not move, the pain is there and it takes all you have not to just break down and cry.

It is on these bad days that death does not seam so bad. This is not to say that you would ever take that way out, it just means that it does not look as bad a thing as it once did. You come to no longer fear death as it has lost it scariness, simply because you know it would mean a final end to the pain.

But go on we must for there are others that depend on us to keep going, and so we go on. We go on day after day waiting for a miracle that will take away the pain if only just for a day or two or even for only a few hours. All the time waiting for that moment in time when it your time to go, and death comes for you bring peace at last.